Before I expose a very weird moment from 2015, I want to make sure you are aware of what an emotionally abusive relationship is.
I haven’t had the greatest experiences with relationships, I can pinpoint a few guys who I think are amazing people, but I can also pinpoint a time where I was emotionally abused but too young and ignorant to understand. So I’m writing this article is to raise awareness of emotional abuse in relationships.
Let’s name this guy Ben Circles.
Ben Circles and I met around July 2015, and like any other first impression, I thought he was pretty cool (him being an art student, and looking like Damon Albarn from Blur). We were very different people but had similar interests, so me forgetting to think before I act, we decided to go on regular dates.
Ben Circles was in fact, a loner. As peak as it sounds, I don’t think he had a ‘squad’ the only person he spoke about was his recent ex-Girlfriend of two years. During our short-lived “relationship”, I came to realise that Ben Circles had some serious issues with how he views women. I can safely assume he identifies as a feminist just to get girls to like him *vomits*. Late July, I get my first job, and things start to go wrong. Ben Circles began to whine about how my job was limiting our time together. My internal reaction was “Fuck off mate”. My external reaction was “Sorry, let’s meet up after work”. As you can see, I knew it was wrong for him to complain but tried to be nice. One evening in particular when I met him in Southbank, I had a good time but wanted to return home around 10:30pm. Ben Circles became incredibly frustrated with me because I turned down his offer to go back to his house. I make my own decisions of what I want to do and where I would like to go. As we walked towards Charing Cross station, I was incredibly taken aback by his behaviour. To make things worse he pulled a face that looked as if he was about to cry. Mate, grow up. You’re not entitled to me, and crying isn’t going to change my mind.
Ben Circles started to complain about our relationship because: I hadn’t been over to his house, I’d only wear my wigs around my friends, and during lunch I’d look at my food more than I looked at him. At this point I realised that I wasn’t standing up for myself, I began to only consider his feelings over mine. This is one of the first signs of an emotionally abusive relationship.
August 2015: my cousins wedding in Las Vegas. I reached a point where I was ready to dump Ben Circles’ foolishness into the trash. Ben Circles had asked not to be in contact with me while I was in Vegas, because he would become anxious if I didn’t reply to him *rolls eyes*
I’ll let you judge from these receipts:
This is how emotionally abusive partners manipulate you.
They convince you that you are unworthy.
They convince you that they are entitled to you emotionally and sexually.
They teach you to consider their feelings over yours.
They convert you from human to object.
After the “you probably aren’t worth it”, my feminist agenda stepped forth and said enough! I took out the trash and dusted my hands. You should never ever let anyone speak to you in that way. Men and women like Ben Circles are nothing but dirt. They’ll never love or respect you, only abuse you.
If you are reading this article and realising that your partner is a “Ben Circles”, please remove them from your life. Fuck the memories and fuck how long you’ve been together. If someone is emotionally abusing you, there’s every chance things could worsen, and even end up physical. If you have children together, you ought to protect them too before social services steps in or worse, your partner begins to abuse them.
After Ben Circles, I entered my first year of university with the mind-set “fuck relationships”. Now I can happily say I met the most wonderful guy that’s ever entered my life; you are worthy of being loved and respected. If your partner is emotionally abusing you, you need to act on it. Abusive relationships are not romantic, they are poisonous.
I’d like to take this opportunity to thank those who supported me during the Ben Circles period. Thank you for giving me confidence and laughing at his ridiculous behaviour.
Peace, Love and Cacti
Further advice and help can be found here: http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/emotional-abuse.html
Words by Courtney McMahon, definition originally by http://www.healthyplace.com
Images courtesy of Courtney McMahon