power

I’m tired of fighting.

I’m a 20-year-old woman in her final semester of university, and in my spare time I write and edit for this website that I started almost a year ago. I haven’t posted much recently for two reasons: firstly, I’ve been working on a dissertation among a few other deadlines at university, and secondly, I’m exhausted.

My friends all like to wind me up for being a feminist. They like to tell me about stupid things people have said who claim to be feminist but aren’t (if you hate men, you’re not a feminist, so if you would kindly stop dragging the rest of us down, I’d be grateful). I have colleagues too, everyone enjoys telling me about stupid things ‘feminists’ have done, or how they enjoy taking them down online. Obviously, for them, it’s very funny, but for me, it’s wearing. I always clarify what feminism is and why I believe in it, but it doesn’t stop it. 

“Power to the Girls”

When I see girls, particularly younger girls and teens wearing t-shirts that say anything feminist, I smile. I’m so glad that the work of previous generations won’t end, and I’m hopeful that the future will be better. But I’m also not an idiot. I know full well that some minds won’t be changed. I know that Trump isn’t going to come out tomorrow and say ‘Gee those feminists are on to something’, nor are the Daily Mail going to cover female politicians saying ‘aren’t these women smart and powerful’ instead of talking about their legs (don’t get me started).

I know we aren’t equal. We don’t think equal. And I can’t help but agree with Emma Watson in thinking that we won’t be equal. I don’t see equality in my lifetime. I’d love to, but if it took a woman getting crushed by a horse to get us the bloody vote, I dare not ask what it would take to get where we want to be. 

I’m a feminist. I don’t really care about my personal equal pay because I’m paid the same as my male colleagues, but I care about the statistics suggesting black women lose out on almost 40% of white men’s wages1234. It’s not about me, but I still care about it. I raise an issue with men’s pressure to be manly and unemotional as it leads to dangerous numbers of suicides and mental health issues. I struggle with the international treatment of women such as FGM, truancy because of periods, rape, child marriage, and so on. It’s not something I will experience in this country, so should I just turn a blind eye? No, because I’m not an arsehole. This is deathly important and we’re all just making out like it’s not our problem.

The skirt in question…

I face issues in this country that anger me on a daily basis. It was the hottest weekend of the year so far recently so naturally, I wore a skirt, but with trainers and a long sleeve top. That didn’t matter though, legs were visible, so three different men in cars slowed to shout things or whistle. You can bet that made me feel horrible. I wanted to put my jeans back on and suffer in the heat because I felt so uncomfortable that 3 different cars of men felt perfectly comfortable to make comments on my appearance and sexualise me. It’s absolutely disgusting. It is not a compliment to make someone feel unsafe. I don’t need to excuse myself, that is not a compliment.  

I’m really sick of being called girly for liking pink, watching a lot of Julia Roberts films, and shopping excessively. These things make me happy (plus I walk double my normal steps a day when I shop so at least I’m exercising), but it’s stupid because I’m a girl and girls are stupid. I’m just so fed up. I could honestly just curse for hours and throw things because I’m so damn sick of all of it.

Why should I get stressed out because I care about something that is inherently right? It is moral, and just. It is not that we are asking a lot, we are asking for life as it should be. I should not be less than a man, nor treated less than, because I am not less than a man. I am equal. I am equal to a man. 

The necklace I now wear on a daily basis

I’m so tired of doing this. Sometimes I don’t want to do it anymore. Sometimes I think, like right now, that I don’t want to be a feminist anymore because it’s so much hard work and no one cares in the slightest what I think. I feel as though I’m wasting my time, and annoying my friends. It’s ridiculous. I shouldn’t have to fight in the first place, let alone be questioned for doing the right thing. I know I’ll post this and someone will either question a point I have made, or people will continue to joke about being a woman or a feminist and how I am lesser.

As someone who struggles to keep her head up a great deal of the time, I don’t really need the extra negative emotion that comes with pushing the way I do. I’m constantly down, or humiliated, or angered, or panicked, or uncomfortable and I could cry just thinking about how bad I am made to feel. I just want it to stop.

I’m doing the right thing. So either join me or leave me alone because I can’t leave this fight. I made a commitment, I started a platform to help, and I can’t quit. It’s so exhausting and even if I don’t want to do it anymore, I have to. If you have no support to offer, I’d kindly ask you to leave off, and save everyone the unnecessary negative emotion; there’s enough going around as it is. 

The Guardian: ‘Gender wage gap costs minority women more than $1m in some states
2 National Women’s Law Centre: ‘The Lifetime Wage Gap by State for Black Women
Bustle: ‘8 Startling Statistics That Show How The Pay Gap Affects Women Of Color Differently
4 American Association of University Women: ‘The Simple Truth about the Gender Pay Gap

Words and images by Briony Brake

Playlist: Sian’s Anthems – Power Women

“Sometimes it really does feel like there’s no hope. Women are stomped on from all angles, there’s so many horrible things happening in the world and gender inequality is still a very real thing.

But the women on this playlist overcame that, and other kinds, of adversity and discrimination. They’re power women and they absolutely kill it.”

sian's playlist

Click on the image, or here to listen: Sian’s Anthems

20 Pieces of Advice I’d Like to Give After Being a Woman for 20 Years On This Planet We Call Earth

Look for other great women. Around you, near you, in the media. Don’t copy them, but learn how they do it, and then you do it too.
Caitlin Moran made a snap decision one day to stop sitting around and do something. Bridget Christie thought, fuck it, a comedy show about feminism, why not, got nothing to lose. My mum keeps on going, keeps plowing through, and she’s the bravest woman I know. Every day on Women’s Hour there are more and more examples of incredible women doing amazing things. There’s always someone to look up to and there’s always someone that they learnt from too. You’re part of something. You’re part of a line, so look back at it.  

You won’t get anything if you don’t ask.
Want to do stand up? Ask someone how. Want to go to university? Ask to. Want to have a job? A career in a certain area? If you don’t ask, no one’s going to offer it to you. You’re already at a disadvantage, the world views you as something less. You’ve got to ask, because it’s not going to be handed to you. You make your own luck.

Take every opportunity you have.
Women couldn’t always vote but you can, so go and vote, because you’re very very lucky. Malala Yousafzai was shot for trying to get an education as a girl. If you live in a western country, you have the chance for free education. Use it. I simply can’t say this enough. We certainly don’t live in a post-feminist society, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have opportunities or that we’re not lucky that some things are the way they are.

There is no one way to be a woman, and it’s not dictated by feminism.
Do you like wearing dresses? And make up? Or don’t? THAT’S TOTALLY FINE. The point of feminism is that you have the choice to do all those things, or not do those things. Do you want to shave your legs? That’s fine. Don’t want to? Also fine. Gender is not binary, gender is not fixed and gender should not dictate your actions.

Sometimes you have to shout a bit louder.
It’s ingrained in society, from a historical standing, that women should be seen and not heard, and that they’re objects, accessories, possessions. We’re slowly moving away from this mindset, but you might still need to remind people of this. Argue your point. Tell them they’re wrong. prove you have a voice, and an opinion, and that it matters, because it does.

Your body belongs to you and no one else.
As long as you’re happy with it, and happy inside your own skin, then what else matters? It’s your body and you’re the one who has to live with it forever, so look after it and treat it right. Fill it with yummy food, and laughter and fruit and veg, and air from the seaside, and excellent alcohol that warms you up and makes you dance. Love your body; all its flaws and all its brilliant bits. Love your boobs and your vagina, and your thighs and your toes. Please, please, please look after your body. You only get one and it’s so important and beautiful.

Your soul is yours, but lend it out.
I’m not talking divine spirit things here. What I mean is that feeling when you see your very best friend dancing their arse off. I’m talking about when all your family are around you and they’re all absorbed in each other. You can only get these feelings if you let people in, and give them that little piece of yourself to hold on to.

You make your own happiness.
It’s important to give away these little pieces of yourself to the people you love, but you’ve also got to learn to be happy on your own, being on your own, being by yourself, doing things for yourself. This is one of the most important life skills you can learn.

Surround yourself with good, kind, intelligent, funny, women.
You’ll learn more about yourself by spending time with them, as well having a jolly good laugh.

Surround yourself with good, kind, intelligent, funny, men.
Ditto.

Always take free furniture from the sides of roads.
Painting chests of drawers is like a kind of meditation. Plus, free furniture.  

Walk, don’t get the bus.
You’ll feel insanely better for it, even if you are slightly sweatier.

Your bodily functions are FINE.
We all fart and poo and sweat and that. It would be weird if you didn’t, why are you pretending that you don’t?

Look after your mind.
If you don’t feel okay, tell someone. If you feel sad, or confused, or lost, tell someone how you’re feeling. Meditate. Read books and watch films and let your mind act like a sponge soaking it all up. Your mental health is so so so important, please look after it.

Sometimes, you do just have to adult.
You have to do your washing and ring the doctors and cook food for yourself. It will make you feel like a proper grown up, and that’s well fun.

When your friends tell you that that person is no good for you, they’re probably right.
They know you pretty well, and they only want the best for you, so they probably know what they’re on about.

Ring your mum.
She’s done it all before and she will always know what to say. She’s the best advice you’ll ever get.

Listen to music by women.
Read books by women. Watch films made by women, about women. Watch comedy by women. Let them inspire you and course through your veins.

Not everyone is learning these things as quick as you, be patient.
Learn for yourself, and don’t get angry when other people aren’t getting it right. They need more time.

Don’t beat yourself up for getting things wrong.
You’re learning too, remember – it’s okay to fail, and try, and fail and try again. As long as you’re trying.

 

Words by Sian Brett.

‘I AM LUCKY’

Recently a lot of things have changed for me, and as always in these sorts of stages in my life, it’s meant I’ve been learning a lot of important lessons. Moving away to university has meant having to learn to cook, clean and generally fend for myself. On an emotional note, it’s been an incredible learning curve.

The first thing I realised was that I was not the person I thought I was. Perhaps university changed me, or maybe I’d always been this person, and maybe it took moving away from my comfort zone to realise. My first year at university was hard. My head was constantly preoccupied with what I felt I should be doing, what I wanted to do and why this distinction between should and want was important. But you know what? It’s not. Now in my second year, I am blessed with new opportunities, better friends and most importantly, a far greater insight.

As well as all the lessons about friends, people and growing up, I learned the power of my own mind. I don’t mean that I realised I was some sort of genius or that I’d found enlightenment. Rather, that I could control how situations affected me, simply by changing my perspective on them. Instead of wasting my time and energy thinking about the things I should or wanted to do, I began to just pick one and go with it. And there’s another lesson in that, because you don’t learn unless you do things. This by no means meant I was making better choices, but the fact I was making choices at all meant I had something to show for them. I could go out for pre’s and decide that actually I’d rather be doing something else, and honestly what’s the worst that could happen? You just say you want to leave and you leave. I could go home and then go back again or even go to a different party and what would be the problem with that? Really, I’m lucky enough to have so many options for good night. Why waste time regretting an option when you made it yourself and that’s what you wanted at the time?

There’s a saying out there that goes something like, ‘keep your face to the sun and you will never see the shadows’, and I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. Believe me, I am not an optimistic person. Keeping this sort of mindset is far from easy. It’s so cliché. The ‘every cloud has a silver lining’ outlook on life seems naïve even to me now. But I’m beginning to see just how much it makes a difference.

Take my two sisters; both successful in their jobs, one married and the other in a long term relationship. In very similar situations really, but one is constantly troubled about where she wants to be in her career next, when she hopes to have kids, and always seems to find the negative side of any situation. The other has just as much stress in her life, but seems so much happier; laughing and joking about her daily stresses and enjoying herself regardless. She tells me, ‘I am lucky’. And that’s so important. Where both are high-functioning, powerful women that I look up to, only one of them seems to really appreciate where she is. Rather than constantly striving for more, she stops to look at where she is now, and sees everything she has made for herself. I don’t mean that people shouldn’t aim for the best, but never should that goal mean sacrificing your happiness, your relationships or your lifestyle. She is a great inspiration to me and above all else, has taught me that your mindset is everything.

Next year, my boyfriend will be moving 3,400 miles away for 8 months on placement and honestly, I’m terrified. Yet it will also be an incredible year, because I’ll be on placement too, and will have time to spend on my film editing, and sport and other things that take a back seat when he’s around. I have amazing friends, I’m doing a rewarding degree (even if I don’t always enjoy it) and these days I’ve probably got 80+ years to make something of myself.

So yes, I am lucky. Sometimes, I don’t feel like it, but I am. And so are you, whoever you are. You are fortunate enough to live and breathe, and be there to appreciate everything that life is and will be, for you. Look at where you are now and see not what you don’t have but what you do and exactly what that means for you.

Never forget that you are always the most powerful person in your life.

 

Words by Jessica Yang