books

Winter is Coming – Finally!

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The time has come, the nights are getting longer, the days colder and the spiced lattes are out in force…and I’m loving it!

I have always loved autumn and winter, it’s the time of year I’m always excited for; the crisp frosty mornings, seeing your breath as it hits the air and not sweating from blinking are particular highlights. However, not everyone is as enthusiastic as I am about freezing their butt off for months on end, so here are a few ways in which you can try and make the autumn and winter months that bit more joyful and enjoyable and I’m hoping that I can convert at least one person.

1. COSY JUMPERS AND GIANT COATS

This is potentially my favourite part, as people who know me will know I have a minor obsession with both of these. The more jumpers and coats I get to wear the better in my opinion. So instead of being a classic Brit and whining about the cold, seize the chance to be a real-life Yeti and embrace the jumpers…and hats…and gloves…and scarves, basically anything warm and fluffy.

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2. NIGHTS IN

Lots of people say that they find it more difficult to socialise in winter/autumn because people don’t want to go out. So you could switch it up and have a night in instead. Organise a movie night with lots of snacks, or have a games evening – as long as you’re prepared to lose friends over Monopoly or a finger over Irish snap!

3. FOOD!

There are some great foods that come out at this time of year. Lots of amazing veggies come into season, the roast dinners are in full force and it’s the perfect time to bake some sweet treats and eat all the cheese and all the pies (you see why we need such big jumpers).

4. TEAS

Obviously, you can drink tea at any time of year, this is Britain after all. However, I feel like, at least for me, teas really come into their own at this time of year. Aside from the traditional builder’s tea, I love a mint tea or anything with ginger in – it really helps to add to that cosy feeling and is super warming inside.

5. SPORT

I love a winter sport (I play hockey), as it’s a great way to get out of the house, make friends and keep warm – you may get soaked through by the rain occasionally but you’ll have fun doing it, so it’s worth the hypothermia right?! Also if you’re lucky and pick the right sport you may well get free food at the end of it. If an outdoor sport in the middle of winter doesn’t float your boat then there are plenty of indoor sports you can try out either with friends or a club, such as badminton, table tennis, squash, basketball or an exercise class. What’s more is that sport is perfect for battling the winter blues, not only can it be social but also the endorphins released can help boost your mood.

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6. ENJOY THE OUTDOORS

Autumn (in my humble opinion) is one of the most beautiful times of the year. The colours are changing, there’s that crisp fresh smell in the air (unless you live where I do – surrounded by fields – then it’s mostly just manure), and if you’re into photography then autumn and winter offer up some great shots – even grey skies can have their charm.

7. CULTURE

If you’re looking to do something at a weekend, other than lay around wrapped in a blanket, then it’s always worth being a tourist in your hometown and visit some museums and galleries. Yes, you can do this at any time of year but the advantage at this time is that the summer crowds will be long gone – making for a more relaxed visit. Alternatively, if you’re not still full from all the pies and cakes you’ve already eaten you could check out that restaurant or cafe you’ve been meaning to for ages. Not only does this make you get out of the house and experience something new, or learn something new but you also get to be warm and toasty whilst you explore.

8. TREAT YO’SELF

When it’s really grim outside (or you’re just feeling extra cosy), bundle yourself onto the sofa with a mountain of blankets, pillows and the odd duvet. Stock up on snacks and tea galore and relax into your marshmallowy pit with a stack of DVDs or a Netflix binge and maybe a face pack if you’re feeling lavish. This is made all the better when you think about all the poor sods who are outside braving the rain.

9. BOOKS

Now, I couldn’t write this whole post without mentioning books in some way. This time of year is great for reading books, the long cosy nights in front of the fire, or the long trips you might be taking to visit friends or family (please don’t read and drive). If you’ve had a long list of books to read or you had ‘read more’ as one of your resolutions but you haven’t made too much of a dent yet then why not set yourself a challenge; write a list of books that you want to read by Christmas, or New Year (realistically) and take advantage of the opportunities to snuggle down. Or, whilst you’re cocooned in your duvet on the sofa – or in your bed- take out an old favourite and travel back to Hogwarts or Hobbiton.

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10. ENJOY THE FESTIVITIES

Autumn and Winter are full of some of the most festive times of year (Halloween, Bonfire Night, Christmas). Even if you’re not a big fan of some (or all) of these, you can still embrace the spirit in some way or another. I love Christmas (possibly to excess), and I love a good bonfire, but I’ve never really got Halloween. In the past, I have tried to actively avoid it and I’ve also tried to force myself into it – neither of which I have truly felt comfortable with, so now I’ve found my happy medium. I get a good pumpkin to carve (which is a great work out if you’re struggling to think of a sport you might like to do), I get a good selection of sweets and instead of dressing up in costume I dress up in my pyjamas and watch a Halloween-y film with pizza – always with pizza.

A FEW FILM SUGGESTIONS:

  • Beetlejuice
  • Nightmare Before Christmas (this is a perfect transitional film between Halloween and Christmas)
  • Hocus Pocus
  • Labyrinth (Bowie, not Pan’s)
  • Coraline

 

Words and images by Eleanor Manley for Anthem Online.

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Likeability: An experiment into being more “popular”

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I have always been interested in Psychology, investigating why we do what we do and what influences our behaviour and thoughts. One of the most recent books I read because of this was Popular by Mitch Prinstein. It was an eye-opening analysis of popularity and how our early childhood and adolescent experiences with ‘popularity’ can have power over how we act today.

I use ‘popularity’ with inverted commas because the first thing I was surprised to learn was that there are actually two types of popularity that can be discerned from research. One is status based, and one is based on likability. A very brief overview is that whilst the popular crowd at school who we all longed to be in with had very high status, they were usually not very likeable. And whilst many of us become obsessed with striving for status, especially in the age of social media, it can be more rewarding to improve how likeable we are. This will not only affect how others perceive us but also how we feel about ourselves.

As a kid at school, I always felt as though I was on the sidelines, and from reading Popular it’s clear from my point of view that I would have fitted into the ‘Neglected’ social category. This means that I’m a textbook introvert, and as a teenager and for most of my adult life, I’ve dealt with social anxiety, so reading this book was extremely interesting when it came to describing ways we can change how we’re perceived by others and also how we think about ourselves.

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One of the book’s anecdotes I particularly appreciated involved the author having telephone conversations with various members of call centre staff to try and fix his internet. He informally conducted an experiment, deliberately making an effort to be polite and warm and interested to some call operators, whilst being curter with others. He then tested out being more positive in his day-to-day life. I was impressed by how different the author said he felt after making such changes and wanted to try it out for myself.

For the first few days, I did not make any deliberate changes to the way I behaved or acted. I did, however, jot down notes on who I had conversations with, and how often. After a few days, I started to change how I acted. Here are the small changes I made an effort to consciously adapt over the next week:

  • Be polite/positive in interactions with people. Whether it be family and friends, or someone over the phone, or a complete stranger who moves to let you past on the pavement.
  • Be interested in what the other person is saying.
  • Smile more.

To start, these simple things were the only 3 items I included. They sound basic and obvious (because they are) but they are things that sometimes slip or I don’t always pay attention to. Practising these three ways of approaching interactions with others, and life in general, had some interesting results…and a few situations stood out.

The first instance I recall was at a job interview. I’m not someone who naturally smiles a lot, and I have a severe case of ‘Resting Bitch Face’: not a great thing for a prospective employer to see. “Right,” I thought, as I went to introduce myself, “start smiling.” As the saying goes, smiles are contagious, and I definitely felt more at ease as the receptionist returned my smile. I paid attention to each interaction, even tiny stuff like being offered a drink. And not in the way of being obsessive or over analytical, just paying attention to how I conducted myself. It was very surprising how being attentive made me feel more present and actually took away some of my nerves, because I wasn’t allowing myself to overthink about where I was, and was instead focusing on who I was with.

I was surprised overall at the effect that these changes had in making me feel more grounded and present, and building up little likeable acts created a bigger picture that boosted my self-esteem.

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Before starting this, I was initiating 1 or 2 conversations a day, i.e. with a shop assistant, or other mandatory transactions when out and about (this is excluding conversations with people at home). Including these, the conversations themselves tended to be short. By the time I’d finished the next week, I made deliberate changes to the way I interacted – I was averaging about 6 conversations a day, including one I struck up with a randomer who sat on the same bench as me (which I would never have done in a million years).

As the number of conversations I participated in increased, I found that consciously being more aware of the way I interact lead to a number of discoveries:

  • Very quickly I was beginning to see interactions with others as opportunities rather than as chores. To start with I initiated conversations to observe what happened, but in the end, I just enjoyed having a chat and was more willing to learn about people I chatted to. Like the guy who runs our local convenience store or people I see walking their dogs in the morning. (The perks of living in a little town where it is customary to say ‘morning’ every five seconds came in handy here.)

  • I was less analytical of myself. If a social interaction got ‘fluffed up’ i.e. I got flustered and said something that didn’t come out right (which I do a lot), I made an effort to not be as hard on myself and laugh it off.
  • I found the more I try to maintain these ideals the more they become second nature. Instead of setting time aside to be conscious of these likeable factors, they started crossing over into work too. I found it less of a challenge to speak in meetings and was less nervous to ask questions and make suggestions. I was less hung up on being right and more concerned with attending to what was happening and being involved.
  • Making an effort to be more interested in what another person was telling me ended up in me being more interested in others generally. Asking questions, being present and discussing details with other people; whether it be chatting about family, work or some other topic like the latest Avengers movie ended up in providing the chance to strengthen my interpersonal relationships both professional & personal.

The more I strived to put effort into my day-to-day interactions, the more positive I felt. The littlest instances of finding out details of someone’s day or taking the time to thank someone where perhaps I usually wouldn’t have felt good and made me less socially anxious when initiating conversations.

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I am not saying that we could all do this, all of the time; or even that we should do. Obviously, there are still days when I’m not in a great mood or don’t feel like talking to anyone when I’ve gone out to run errands. However, being more mindful of how I present myself and how I listen to other people has surprisingly made it less daunting to be sociable. Which is interesting as this isn’t what I was intending to use it for, and was rather approaching it as a way of learning how to come across well. What I enjoyed the most about doing this is that it taught me how to listen more effectively. Now I make a better effort to really listen to what someone is saying to me and be present when I talk to them.

I’m also not saying for a minute that I’ve turned into a completely different person. There were still a couple of days throughout this week where I was exhausted from socialising. There are still times where I get pissed off by something or someone and the last thing I want to do is be interested and present so instead shut myself in my room and watch Netflix. What it has done however is make me more open to interactions with others. I still get anxious chatting to people, but I’ve seen some positive changes.

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Who knows if my efforts during this time have really made me more likeable? I definitely feel better about myself as a result, and I’ve noted changes in my own behaviours. Of course, I could just be coming off as a complete stalker who has an unhealthy interest in other people(!) but I hope that’s not the case.

After this experience I hope to continue my effort not to improve how ‘likeable’ I am but rather, to improve how confident and content I feel within myself.

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If anyone wants to read more here is a bad quality pic of the book ft. my thumb.

 

Words by Lauren Barnard for Anthem Online.
Images from Nathaniel Russel/Mitch Prinstein/NY Times, Explorying Your Mind, Robert Rolih, Salt 10.65 and Lauren Barnard.

THE MANLEY GUIDE TO FEMALE AUTHORS – Part 2

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‘The Outrun’ – Amy Liptrot

As I sat writing this I realised that Amy Liptrot’s ‘The Outrun’ is one of those hard-to-describe books. It is an autobiography, but it also feels in some way like a travel guide, and love letter, to Orkney (I myself now have a long list of places to visit). Really though, it is about her journey through alcoholism, her descent into it, her recovery and her re-discovery of the wild and beautiful place she grew up.


‘I’m the King of the Castle’ – Susan Hill

If you didn’t read this at GCSE (as I first did), you should definitely give it a go now. ‘I’m the King of the Castle’ is written entirely from a child’s perspective – Kingsley’s. This is a particularly effective method as we the reader have to experience his bullies, his fears and his pleading with adults first hand and the devastating effect all this has on him. Susan Hill, in my opinion, is a fantastic writer and I believe this to be one of the best examples of her work – and a great gateway to her other books.


‘He Named Me Malala’ – Malala Yousafzai

As I’m sure everyone knows, in 2012, Malala Yousafzai was shot in the head by the Taliban for campaigning for the equal education of women and girls in Pakistan. She survived, and is now studying at Oxford University and continuing her fight on a global scale. Yet her autobiography tells us the stuff we didn’t know. Malala documents her life growing up in the Swat Valley, the beautiful mountains and it’s fascinating history, the rise of the Taliban and her road towards activism as well as her life after that moment in 2012.

I loved this book because of that different knowledge; it was refreshing, heart-warming (and a little heartbreaking) to hear about life in Pakistan for the normal people like you and I and not just what we see on the news. ‘He Named Me Malala’ is an informative and inspiring read that should be added to your shelves.


‘The Bloody Chamber’ – Angela Carter

‘The Bloody Chamber’ is a collection of short stories by Angela Carter. Each story is based on a traditional fairy tale, but with a twist. Carter takes the basic narrative of each tale she is using and infuses them with something both dark and mystical whilst also echoing reality. As with a lot of traditional fairy tales, each story centres on a female protagonist. However, Carter uses her stories to highlight the very real problem of violence against women, whether that is social, economic or physical.

This was the first book I read by Carter and it got me hooked (which I’m sure you’ll hear about in other posts), I loved the twists and the ability to debate and discuss the topics with others. I also found it fascinating (and a little sad) that the issues raised are still so relevant today almost 40 years later.


‘Women and Power’ – Mary Beard

The fifth book on this list is the critically acclaimed ‘Women and Power’ by Professor Mary Beard. In this book, Beard chronicles misogyny all the way from ancient Greeks and Romans through to today and assesses how these ancient mythologies are still used to undermine, and target, powerful women in modern times. Perhaps one of the most notable was the use of the Medusa head against Hilary Clinton in the 2016 Presidential Election.

Although this is a bit of a challenging read, it is well worth the time and effort.

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‘And Still I Rise’ – Maya Angelou

‘And Still I Rise’ is one of Maya Angelou’s poetry collections featuring the two poems that first lead me to fall in love with her – ‘Still I Rise’ and ‘Phenomenal Woman’. Angelou’s poems discuss love, life, her experiences as a black woman and growing older,  and whilst each one is deeply personal the themes have universal resonance.


‘Everyday Sexism’ – Laura Bates

This book was the cumulative result of a social media campaign started by Laura Bates in 2012 to document the sexism experienced by women on a daily basis in all areas of life and work. Bates has split the book into various chapters (as authors often do) so as to best examine each sectionality and area of life as closely as possible and backs everything up with facts, which are quite often depressing.

However, despite this, I found it weirdly inspiring and after reading it I bought it for a friend who gave it to her friend and recommended it to others, as I also did. It really is a book that no matter how old you are it is relatable to every one of us (unfortunately). It is a book that should be read by, and affects, everyone. It not only educates, it also makes you say ‘me too’. To quote Caitlin Moran, “it will make most women feel oddly saner”.


‘H is for Hawk’ – Helen MacDonald

‘H is for Hawk’ is a moving account of grief, depression and falconry. Following the death of her father, Helen MacDonald travels to Scotland to buy a goshawk and sets out on a mission to train it – despite no previous experience and only what she has read in books since she was a young girl. I get that this sounds like a slightly strange mix, but it makes for a beautiful one. It is a combination that makes you laugh, cry and gasp in awe along with MacDonald every step of the way and leaves you fascinated by these fantastic birds.

 

Click here for Part 1 of Eleanor’s guide.
Words and images by Eleanor Manley for Anthem.

 

The Manley guide to female authors

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I am definitely a bookworm. There is nothing I love more than curling up with a good book, a blanket and a cup of tea – it’s my happy place. At the last count, I had just over 400 books in my bedroom alone. I also love talking about and recommending books to others so it only seemed natural to spread this to the internet. Enjoy!


‘Spectacles’ – Sue Perkins

When I read this book I couldn’t put it down, and when I finished it I still couldn’t (I sat and hugged it for a while). I first came across Sue Perkins on Bake Off in 2010 and, along with most of the nation, fell in love with her and her friendship with Mel Giedroyc. However ‘Spectacles’ offers us something different to the cake pocketing Sue we see on TV, whilst retaining the humour that we all know and love.

Throughout this book, we learn about all the trials and tribulations of her life and get to see her come out the other side, and she talks about her dogs a lot which is a definite bonus! I truly loved this book and how human it was. Upon finishing (once I had stopped hugging it) I proceeded to tell almost everyone I met to read it, and here I am doing the same.


‘Wuthering Heights’ – Emily Brontë

‘Wuthering Heights’ is the only novel written by Emily Brontë. It is a classic gothic novel filled with drama, complex characters and the Yorkshire Moors. It’s a great book to read with someone or find someone who has already read it as it’s a great book to discuss – you can find out where each of you falls on the Heathcliff debate. If for no other reason, you should read this so that you can channel Kate Bush and dance wildly around your living room in a red dress.

‘Hot Milk’ – Deborah Levy

‘Hot Milk’ is the story of a mother and daughter travelling to Spain in search of a miracle cure. I have to confess, I actually found this book a little strange, and struggled to get my head around it to begin with. Despite the slight oddities, Levy takes us on a journey about mental health, mother and daughter relationships and the toll caring for someone can take  – no matter how much you love them – and also the guilt and anxiety the cared-for can feel. I had been sceptical at the start but by the end, I felt like I had read something really powerful.


‘Love Sick’ – Jessie Cave

‘Love Sick’ by Jessie Cave is not so much a book you read (although it does have words) but a book of satirical, and in her own words, “neurotic doodles” about life, friendships, love and what that person on the bus really thought about you.

I first discovered Cave on Twitter and then followed her on Instagram (@jessiecave) to see more of her doodles, so when I found out she was releasing this book I was really excited. It’s a great book to look at whilst snuggled up with a cup of tea or to share and laugh at with friends. Well worth a read, and a follow on Instagram as well if you like her stuff.

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‘We Should All Be Feminists’ – Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie

‘We Should All Be Feminists’ is Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s essay on, as the title suggests, why we should all be feminists. It’s a powerful, insightful and thought-provoking read and a book you end up nodding along to a lot. If that’s not enough to convince you, she was also featured in Beyonce’s ‘***Flawless’ (2013), reciting her work.


‘In My Hands’ – Irene Gut Opdyke

‘In My Hands’ is the incredible true story of Irene Gut Opdyke’s life during wartime Poland and her personal mission to save as many Jews from the concentration and labour camps as possible, by hiding them in the house of the Nazi Army Major she worked for. Through her efforts, she was able to save twelve Jewish people from certain death. It’s a wonderful, moving, compelling and important book that remains with you, and is a clear reminder of our past.


‘My Life on the Road’ – Gloria Steinem

I have to be honest, I knew very little about Gloria Steinem when I bought this book, but it was recommended by Hermione Granger so really I had no choice, but by George it’s fantastic! Gloria Steinem has had an incredible life; fighting for women’s rights, travelling the world, campaigning for various presidents and presidential candidates, having some of the most amazing friends, and witnessing Martin Luther King in action amongst many more unbelievable things. I don’t think I’ve ever said wow so many times in one go.

 

Words by Eleanor Manley for Anthem.
Video and image courtesy of Comic Relief and Jessie Cave.

Another Feminist Gift Guide for 2016

You’ve probably already seen around 100 different gift guides on your news feed, or on Amazon or Etsy, and you may even have read some of them, and the may even have been feminist or girl power gift guides, but I’ll be damned if I’m not making my own for Anthem. I spend enough time online window shopping, I might as well share my findings. So here’s a few items I think the girl power enthusiast in your life would appreciate…

  1. Don’t Fuck With Feminism‘ jumper from Joanna Thangiah
    $50 (roughly £40) from her online store
    Find it here.
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  2. A sassy/glittery pin from Robin Eisenberger
    $10-$12 (roughly £9) from her online store -she also stocks stickers, and her own illustrated zine.
    Find them here.
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  3. ‘Bad Girls Throughout History‘ illustrated book by Ann Shen
    £10.78 hardcover from Amazon
    Find it here.
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  4. ‘Girls Need To Support Girls‘ crop top by Minga
    £14.90 from Minga London’s online store
    Find it here.
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  5. Love Sick‘ book by Jessie Cave
    £9.98 hardback from Amazon
    Find it here.
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  6. ‘Milk and Honey‘ book by Rupi Kaur
    £6.99 paperback from Amazon
    Find it here.
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  7. Cuterus‘ enamel pin by Punky Pins
    £6 from their online store – full of cute pins like this one
    Find them here.
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  8. Femme Ain’t Frail’ gift set (enamel pin and patch) by WhoAreYouCurlySue
    £11.42 from her Etsy store – items can be bought individually.
    Find them here.
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  9. ‘It’s All Absolutely Fine: Life is Complicated, So I’ve Drawn it Instead’ book by Rubyetc
    £9.99 paperback from Waterstones
    Find it here or in-store.
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  10. Girl Almighty’ lightning bolt pin by Milly Pins
    £7.34 from her Etsy store
    Find it here.
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  11. Girl Gang‘ embroidered hoodie by Missguided
    £18 from their website
    Find it here.
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  12. Feminist Activity Book‘ by Gemma Correll
    £9.66 paperback from Amazon
    Find it here.
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  13. Pendant necklace from H&M
    £2.99 from their website or in-store – silver and gold available
    Find it here.
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  14. Girls Bite Back’ sweatshirt from H&M
    £6.99 from their website or in-store
    Find it here.
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  15. Feminist journal/diary from Chronicle Books
    £7.99 from Amazon
    Find it here.
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So there you have it, my list of 15 items (mostly books) that would make a pretty snazzy feminist gift (I know I like them). Seriously though, if you have a man or woman in your life who’s getting into feminism of any kind, then go for a book and let them read up. Some of these books are an excellent place to start, as well as Bad Feminist by Roxane Gay, anything by Caitlin Moran, or Virginia Woolf, or just go on up to the Sociology section of Waterstones and choose for yourself.

Happy Gift Giving!

 

Words by Briony Brake
Images courtesy of Joanna Thangiah, Robin Eisenberger, Ann Shen, Minga London, Jessie Cave, Rupi Kaur, Punky Pins, WhoAreYouCurlySue, Rubyetc, Milly Pins, Missguided, Gemma Correll, H&M, Chronicle Books, Amazon and Etsy.

Stop Picking on Feminists

I will fight you. Of course I won’t fight you. I only yell at people over feminism if they’ve just felt entitled enough to grope me on a night out. Aside from that you’re pretty safe. I don’t fight with people over feminism firstly because I know there’s no point. I don’t believe in changing people to suit your needs, I believe in finding and loving the people who do share your thinking and beliefs. Some people won’t have their minds changed. Instead of yelling at them, try having an intellectual conversation; try understanding why they think the way they do. The second reason I don’t argue about feminism (at least not seriously) is because I know about the pedestal.

Image from Buzzfeed

In a great book called Bad Feminist, Roxane Gay talks very early on about celebrities, authors and women of note who claim to be a feminist, just moments before they are attacked for doing things wrong, or at least not right, and get pushed off again. I won’t lie, I know people who say they are or aren’t feminists because of things that simply aren’t true, but there is absolutely no-one with the right to say ‘no, you’re not a feminist like I am, so I’m not interested’.

So this pedestal affects us too. I’m not famous, but I still tell people I am a feminist (in case founding a feminist blog wasn’t clear enough). A lot of people I know have met that ‘coming out’ with complete, unshielded disgust in the past. Most of the time that happens, it’s because people have a funny, old-fashioned ‘feminists are hard-core dykes and man-haters’ vibe, which is obviously just complete shit. I mean, grow up.

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Image from Tumblr/goldenpoc

When I tell people I’m a feminist, I am ready and happy to discuss why I identify as such, or what it means to me. When I say I am a feminist, I’m not exclusively saying I believe in women’s rights. When I say I’m a feminist, I’m not saying I fight for everyone’s rights because I don’t, because I’m a white woman and have no right to butt in and start claiming I know what it’s like to be something else. I’m pretty sure I’ve got this right, but feel free to stop me. When I say I am a feminist, I mean that I don’t like people being discriminated against simply and purely because of the gender they identify as.

The fact that the leading cause of death for men my age is suicide has become something I’m deeply interested in, and want to change. The reason it exists is because we live in a society that perpetuates the idea – the myth – that men should not be emotional, should not talk. In reality, men should talk or cry if they want, it should have nothing to do with their gender. This goes right along with women’s positions at work, and in power, and their disadvantages, because throughout history (think suffragettes, then think a few thousand years before that) women were painted as insufficiently educated to make decisions, be in control, and even sometimes just too darn frail to lift a box (or run for president with pneumonia, am I right?).

Image from Bustle

Image from Bustle

I get a lot of friends making jokes because they like to tease, and to be honest I’m used to it, and it’s fine. Generally, if someone tells me they think women belong in the kitchen, I know they are not in earnest.

I know not to shout and yell because people want that. They want the crazy, irrational woman shouting about how hard her life is, how hard she has it. Yet stop being a dick for a minute, and consider that I’m not fighting for me. Sure I don’t want to get paid less because I’m a woman, but I’d like to think I could protect myself. There’s always a bit of an ‘it’s not happening to me so it’s not real’ thing going around with issues like feminism. This is actually where feminism is most important.

Feminism is about making sure people don’t lose out because of their gender, and as much as in the US and UK it can be quite balanced in men’s and women’s issues – abroad, there’s a few extremes for each case.

Image from Davina Diaries

Image from Davina Diaries

You may have just seen that Polish government tried to ban abortions. What the hell Poland? Just force women back in the early 20th century and make them have their babies and do the housework. Sure, sounds cool. You might not know however of a study highlighting how many Egyptian women had experienced sexual assault and harassment (a ridiculous 99.3%)*. Oh, or what about the 10 year old divorcee from Yemen**. You probably didn’t think you were lucky your parents didn’t marry you off aged ten, but circumstances being what they are, you are. There was also the other young girl from Yemen who died on her wedding night to a man five times her age, when intercourse caused uterine rupture***. Not to mention the fact that the number of Palestinian women dying as part of so-called ‘honour killings’, often by family members, is not going down, oh no, it’s going up. It doubled between 2013 and 2014****.

Feminism isn’t just a bit of fun; it isn’t just white privileged women getting together with wine to talk about how oppressed they feel in their BMWs and London houses. It’s actually a necessity. You may not see the point. Like it or not, though, this is the only chance we have to help these deaths, child marriages, mutilation, and assault. I mean, does that not sound serious to you?

Back in the UK, men are actually killing themselves instead of living to see another day in which they have to pretend to be something they are not. Abroad, children as young as 10, who haven’t even been through puberty or started their periods yet, are being raped and married off, and it’s all just ok? I’m sorry I can’t agree.

Gender is a social construct, not a death sentence.

Graphic from Bigger Issues

So this has all gotten kind of far away from picking on me because I’m silly enough to voice my opinions out loud, but it needed to be said.

The next stage is why you should stop bullying people who actually care about you, and are trying to improve your life. Mostly, feminists get angry around the themes of pay, health, and education. Much like most people in the world tend to care about their pay, health and education. I mean, is it really such a crime to think I shouldn’t have to pay £4 not to bleed through my £7.99 jeans? (I’m talking about pads and tampons here in case that wasn’t clear…). We shouldn’t have to be setting up charities for homeless women to have access to sanitary products for something they can’t even help. How ridiculous is it? A homeless woman bleeds for a few days a month, and if she can’t afford pads or tampons then she has to bleed through pants and trousers that she may only have a few pairs of. Pretty poor show really.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable either to want to be paid the same as anyone, male or female, doing the same job as me. Men don’t get paid less because they have a penis, so why should women get paid less because they have a vagina. Sure this is less of an issue now in the UK but it still stands in some places (also ridiculous).

I also don’t think I should have to say any of this. It should just be fine that some people are born one way, and some another. Big whoop. I don’t want to be sat here defending myself for not wanting to be disadvantaged; for wanting basic human rights. I don’t want people to make jokes about how I should be in the kitchen, or how I must be a lesbian, or ugly, or lonely and deformed, or something else. It’s not even original humour for goodness sake.

I just want to be able to wake up and not hear about the stories that I’ve been telling you. I want to be able to wake up to news that, actually there is no news about Trump and Hilary because for once, Trump didn’t say something outrageously disgusting and degrading towards women, and that somehow people are finally moving past the fact that a woman (shock horror) is running for president. If someone that awful is allowed to run for president and get this close, with people thinking he is still a better option than a woman, there’s a problem.

Quote from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie/Image from For Harriet

Quote from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie/Image from For Harriet

Gender is an issue. Don’t lie, don’t brush it under the carpet with all the women trying to voice their opinions on Twitter like men can. Don’t brush aside domestic abuse for both men and women, genital mutilation, pay gaps, glass ceilings. Don’t just forget about it. It matters. It matters for everyone. Joking around and picking on men and women trying to focus it and fix it, is real mature. For real, stop picking on people you know nothing about.

So stop picking on me because I tell the truth about what I believe in, and bully me for fairer things (short arms and snort laugh included), or at least use original humour.

 

Words by Briony Brake

Statistics:

*  Egyptian Sexual Assault
** Yemen Child Divorcee
*** Yemen Child Died on Wedding Night
**** Honour Killings of Palestinian Women